Wednesday, March 9, 2011

chivalry is dead because WE killed it


Like most single women my age (between the cocktail parties, girl’s nights out and family dinners), I unfortunately sometimes wish for my knight in shining armor. However, that knight looks much different than the one in most romantic comedies. While the damsels in distress of those movies are pining away for man to stand outside their window holding up a stereo, I can genuinely say, I would run straight for the hills, not without locking all doors and windows, had that happened to me in real life. A simple “I want you back” text would have sufficed.

Some may argue that women are settling these days. That we are willing to put up with un-chivalrous men because their antithesis no longer exists. That we are all just waiting for that one grand gesture. However, I don’t believe that to be true.

A few years back, I was visiting my then boyfriend in Philadelphia. The weekend was nice enough. But on my last day there, we got into our last of many arguments. I told him I no longer wanted to be in our relationship, packed my bags and headed back to Pittsburgh. Yet, to my surprise, he was already there with roses and a card when I pulled into my driveway.

Apparently, he drove much faster than I on the turnpike and beat me home to apologize. In my head I thought, if the 300 miles of distance I was putting between us wasn’t hint enough that I no longer wanted to be with you, I don’t know is.

I was not at all touched or impressed by his “grand gesture”. I was infuriated. I just drove all that time in a fit of rage to get the hell away from him and he follows me home?

So case in point, I do not believe chivalry is necessarily dead, I just think women more often than not don’t want it. We are all at points in our lives where we are making decisions and figuring out what we want. Subtle signs of affection are going to draw me in as opposed to grand gestures that are going to send me running. Women today don’t want to be smothered. We want the freedom to decide if and when we want that knight in shining armor, not drop everything when he decides to arrive.

I entertained that boy for two days before sending him home. And I didn’t break back up with him until I was sure he was back in Philadelphia. Very chivalrous of me, if I do say so myself ;-)