Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Mistress Factor- DC Edition

As mentioned before, I have gone out with an assortment unavailable men. This includes but is not limited to: men with girlfriends, men with fiancés, married men and men that might be asexual, seriously. I realize this sounds terrible, and makes me look even worse. However, to my defense I am either extremely naïve or exceedingly optimistic to assume that when I start seeing someone on a regular basis, they are unattached.

Not too long ago, I moved to Washington, D.C. for a variety of reasons. One of which was to get away from all my old bad habits that I had in Pittsburgh (i.e. dating the wrong men). I started working at a non-profit organization that was filled with young people. After a few months of being there, life was great. Work was exciting, I found my own apartment and I had made new friends in the city. Wow, I thought. I finally have my shit together.

One Monday, I was seated in our office’s usual morning meeting when the Director announced that we had a new IT guy who would be working on a website for us. I didn’t even know we were hiring. Then, the DCist walked in. I immediately found him strikingly handsome in an unconventional way. He was very tall, slightly overweight, definitely nerdy and blonde with blue eyes. (my kryptonite)

After our meeting and for the entire week, I made time in the morning to doll myself up and found excuses to go in his office. Each and every advance I made for that entire week was met with disinterest. I was all but sitting on his desk, throwing myself at him and he would not even make eye contact with me.(Red flag #1)

The following week, my entire office went to San Francisco, CA for our annual convention. The "work day" only lasted four short hours, so the majority of our trip was left to sightseeing and boozing. On the first night in the Haight Ashbury area, after enough booze and group interaction, DCist and I became friends. The following night, after enough Jack Daniels, we kissed. And for the remaining 5 days in San Fran, we were inseparable. All the while, he kept saying “I don't want this to end.” (Red flag #2)

Upon our return to DC, we continued our interoffice flirting. We'd steal kisses in the elevator, sneak off to lunch alone and write each other love notes. Corny I know. We’d grab drinks after work, see documentaries in the evenings and wander around Columbia Heights on the weekends. It was all so exciting. But oddly, he never once invited me to his apartment. (Red flag #3)

After about a month, we were taking our usual lunch hour together, strolling around DC, deciding where to eat. We were holding hands and about to cross K street when out of nowhere, the DCist dropped my hand and crossed the opposite street towards CVS without a word. I stood there dumbfounded as I watched him hussle his slightly overweight ass over to some tall blonde. She looked surprised to see him at that end of town (we never usually walked on K) as they embraced and began to passionately kiss. (RED FLAG #4 HE IS TAKEN)

I immediately shielded my eyes from my supposed soulmate (his words, not mine) and his apparent girlfriend and turned to walk away gracefully. I won’t lie there was a moment that I considered marching across the street to let that gigantic blonde with bad roots know what was going on. But then I remembered, I moved to DC to change. Old me would have been that crazy mistress, but not new me.

Unfortunately, there was still a bit of old me left inside and after the DCist explained that he wasn’t happy LIVING WITH HIS FUTURE WIFE and that he was going to leave her for me, I continued seeing him for a few more months.

We finally broke up when I moved back to Pittsburgh. Apparently I was an idiot no matter what city I was in. The DCist and tall blonde with bad roots are set to wed this summer.

Note* The actual DCist is a popular Weblog "the DCist" and I used to read together.