Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Mistress Factor


In the past, I have unknowingly been the mistress of many a men. During the demise of those relationships and the revelation that those men already had girlfriends that were evidently not me, I have often turned to my friends and asked WHAT ABOUT ME SCREAMS MISTRESS? Do I have some sort of tattoo written across my forehead that I am utterly unaware of? Why does this keep happening to me?

However, most recently I got my answer. A few months back, I was dating someone we’ll call Ginger. We had met through a mutual friend and for a month and a half, we were together every free moment we had. He supposedly worked out of town during the week, so on the weekends, he would come down to the city and post up residency at my place until Sunday.

I don’t like to talk about feelings and labels if ever at all, so I just took our spending so much time together and being introduced to all of his friends as a sign that things were headed in the right direction.

One Sunday morning, after a weekend of good times and passion, we were laying in bed deciding where to eat. His cell phone rang and he immediately picked it up on speaker phone. A good sign, I thought. We’re completely open with each other. His friend asks Ginger what he’s doing and he responds that he’s “laying in bed with the most beautiful woman.” To which his friend responds, “Oh, are you with Maryann?”

For the record, my name is NOT Maryann. Ginger continues chatting with his friend, while I hurriedly jump in the cold shower as smoke is currently coming out my ears like a speeding locomotive. After a few minutes of cooling off, I exit the shower, still sobbing wet and confront him.

“Who’s Maryann?” I ask. Ginger sighs then proceeds to give a stuttering response regarding his on and off again girlfriend. He then blames me for not “talking” about our situation weeks prior.

I did not know that “do you have a girlfriend” needs to be the first question I ask upon meeting a prospective suitor, but you bet your ass it is now. Apparently that is what has been separating me from potential new girlfriend v. mistress. The ignorance of assuming all men are honest and upfront.

Lesson learned. Ginger recently contacted me. My first response was, “do you still have a girlfriend?”

Ginger and I no longer speak.