Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Music Man
One of my favorite aspects of dating, aside from having endless amounts of blog content, is the morning recap. Most twenty something men and women know what I am referring to. While the stories may have tamed since the college years, the basic concept remains the same. You or a friend go out with someone, go home or don’t go home with that person, then meet all of your close friends for brunch the next day to dish all the dirty details of your future spouse and/or future PFA recipient over a zesty Bloody Mary.
In college, reasonable questions from morning recap participants were “What’s he look like?” “Does he have a car on campus?” “Is he in a frat?” “Did you sleep with him?” “Where at?” “Is his roommate hot?” While these days the questions go, and usually in this order, “What does he do?” “Where is he from?” Does he have his own place?” “What kind of car does he drive?” “When was his last relationship?” “Does he a have a girlfriend?” (Well the last question is usually only asked in my circle of friends, and is typically only aimed at me.)
However, I somehow NEVER end up with answers to all of the above questions asked by my young professional friends. One friend recently brought this to my attention when I described a guy I had met to her. “What does he do?” She asked. There was a pause in dialogue before I responded, “I honestly have no idea. I didn’t ask.” My girlfriend laughed before explaining how every time I meet someone new and she asks their occupation, I can't give her even a fraction of an answer.
I left our conversation and started considering why I never know that detail of my dates and what, if any, morning recap answers regarding a potential suitor do I supply my friends with. After some thought, wine and the soulful sounds of Samuel Beam at home that night, I figured it out. Firstly, I never know what someone does for a living because I don’t ask that question, ever. Duh. Secondly, I don’t ask that question because I don’t believe that a person’s occupation says who they are as a person. For me, a job is what you do, not who you are. Upon meeting someone, I am more concerned with who they are so I can decipher if I even want to bother hearing any of the boring details later.
That night I realized that after meeting a new individual I could supply my friends with answers to the following questions: “What’s his name?” “Does he have a girlfriend?” “What type of music does he listen to?” “Does he/ has he smoked pot?” “Does he write and/or read?”
The above probably explains why I end up dating the caliber of men that I do. But more importantly, I realized that “What kind of music do you listen to?” tells a whole hell of a lot more about who a person is than “What do you do for a living?”
Since the type of music a man is into is obviously more important to me than whether he is an architect over an engineer, I realized that over the course of my ten years of dating, I have a key for the map to dating a variety of men:
1. Men who listen to country music
Pro: These men tend to be genuinely nice, down to earth, and affectionate. These types are not needy and tend to be satisfied with the simple things in life: music, hunting, finding a good woman and beer.
Con: Sometimes the satisfaction with just beer makes them alcoholics and/or uncaring hicks. I draw the line at redneck speech. But for the most part, good men to date.
2. Men who listen to classic/indie rock music
Pro: Most importantly, I listen to classic rock and will enjoy any date that involves classic/indie rock music. These types tend to be generally laid back and complacent in life. Typically they have other retro interests that also attract me. These men are not jealous and don’t like to argue.
Con: Their laid back attitude can sometimes be indifference. If you stay they don’t care, if they leave you don’t care. Sometimes this attitude carries over to their careers and these types may not have any drive.
3. Men who listen to death metal:
Pro: They have a marginal interest which makes them interesting. Most anger and aggression is taken out when jamming and head banging.
Con: Sometimes they're weird and dress as such. If I wanted to date someone who wears eye liner, I would just date a woman. Sudden outbursts of rage are also common.
4. Men who listen to rap music
Pro: These men tend to be confident and somewhat suave. They know who they are and how to get you. Most men that listen to rap music are romantics behind closed doors.
Con: They are crazy jealous and have matching tempers. Every man I have ever dated that listened to rap music not only annoyed me because I loathe rap, but also because of their incessant need to keep tabs on me. Incongruously, these men also tend to cheat more often than any other music listener.
5. Men who listen to pop music:
Pro: These men are typically agreeable individuals. They will give in to almost any reasonable request from their girl. Most seem to have peaceful nice personalities.
Con: They are corny. Any man who listens to California Girls is un-dateable in my book. I know I am being unreasonable, but it’s a deal breaker. For some its smokers, for me, its men who listen to girly pop stars in glitter.
6. Men who have no preference:
Con: There is no “pro,” there are only “cons.” These men are boring and unattractive to me. Saying they “listen to anything!” when asked my pivotal first date question is like saying you are a corpse. I would prefer these men say they listen to gospel over no preference because at least I know you have an opinion or a thought in your head. I am over these men and the conversation at that point in time and most women should be too.
While I already mentioned that I don't believe jobs describe who you are, I also don't believe music describes ALL you are. However, it does a hell of a lot better job in helping me figure out who someone is and definitly makes for a better conversation than some asshole (without a taste in the sounds that soundtrack life)going on and on about his job in finance.
(Editor’s note- these are all generalizations that I have come to know as fact after my own personal experience)