Wednesday, March 9, 2011

What Do You Want From Me?


"Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say? You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone. Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?"

Of the many many men I have dated, hung out with, "talked to", lived with or just killed some time with, there were actually three or so serious relationships. And unfortunately for me, it seems as though these still unattached characters like to pop back in my life every time I seem to have forgotten about them.

Just this past December I was going along the holiday season with a new Beau. Things were going great. I liked him, he liked me. He was all the things past boyfriends were not. There was no ambiguity regarding his feelings about me. No pushing to let me in his life. He rolled out the red carpet for me and asked me in it. Things were just easy and I of course was ignorantly blissfully happy. So of course, one fine New Year’s Day, there he was. An ex. His face literally popped up on my phone while at my house with Beau.

For the first time in months of not thinking about him, I was forced to. Due to modern technology, his face and his name came flashing on my cell phone screen. However, modern technology also has its benefits and I chose to "Ignore" him. Thank you Blackberry for that therapeutic button. I felt liberated and continued to forget him for the remainder of Beau's visit.

However, just as soon as I turned the dead bolt on my door. I raced back to my phone and the inevitable texting war began with X. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing. That he missed me. That he just wanted to go to dinner to "talk."

That's how it always begins right? Innocent enough? But why? What do you want from me? I was fairly certain X and I had run dry of things to talk about. Apparently, the volatile ending of our relationship with curse words and tears was not hint enough to him that we had run out of appropriate things to "talk" about.

Fast forward almost two months and I am without Beau and in no man’s land with X. I am left without a guy who was all the things I wanted X to be. I’m in limbo with X, all the same problems that we had before still exist. Nothing has changed. I have not changed. He has not changed (though they always try to get you in the beginning by saying they have). So what I really want to say is WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Are you lonely? Go meet someone! Do you just want a bed mate for a night? Go to your local watering hole! I am positive that a one night stand with someone would be far less of a hassle than one night with me and the nine hundred and one questions, calls and emails you will get from me shortly after the sex haze is gone.

I at least recognize at this point in life that I do this to myself, as so many women do. But I really want to know is… why do men do it?