Friday, April 15, 2011

Hot by Default

From any reader’s perspective, I think it’s safe to say that I like talking about relationships and sex (one would think those go hand in hand, but they don’t). I do think about the opposite sex often, but who doesn’t? Coincidently, I have always been this way. In high school, I always found an attractive boy in my proximity to occupy my time. Not coincidently, it was often the goth/punk/weird boys that I didn’t have the courage to tell my friends I thought were attractive.

This habit carried over to college and my roommates and I made a joke of it. Each of us had class “crushes”. Sometimes, the crush in question was not even attractive, but was hot by default in comparison to the other men in the classroom/lab/lecture hall. We would name them appropriately with the standard college adjective+first name formula. (Creepy Kyle, Asshole Aaron, etc) Or if we didn’t know their name, would still name them according to their locality.

During my sophomore year at Penn State, the whole notion of class crushes became substantial. Why Metaphysics seemed like a good course to sign up for is beyond me, but I inevitably got to lust over the cute boy that sat in front of me every Tuesday and Thursday at 9:45 a.m. Typically, this would not be the kind of class I would attend too often, but philosophy crush was a great motivator to get me there bright and early.

Unlike my other crushes, this was one was actually gorgeous. Friends would joke that they saw philosophy crush in the HUB, ask how our relationship was going and so on and so forth. We were stalking, I know. But it was fun, funny and something to occupy our time during the one hour of the day that we weren’t sleeping, eating, or partying. Eventually philosophy crush and I became friends, briefly lovers and to this day, he dates one of my good friends back from the years of stalking him.

Fast forward a few years and I still do this, to less of a stalking extent. I don’t know if I am over-sexed or just bored, but I always find the hottest guy in my proximity to study. This year there has been “bus crush.” The guy who rode the bus every morning with me, whom I occasionally saw around town. He’s realistically not that great, but I found his smile and small talk charming. On St. Patrick’s Day, I saw him hand in hand with another woman, so that ended that crush.

Which leads me to Ginger Gym. The hot red head at the gym that runs next to me every day at noon. As if I didn’t already find him super endearing, he has the same identical tattoo I have on my inner arm, on his calf.

So now, I lust day after day around lunchtime without a word. Gym etiquette is awkward and I don’t know how to get him to talk to me. Most people don’t want to be bothered while they are sweating like a pig. And I for one find it extremely difficult to look and act sexy when I am gasping for air and red raced.

I realize this all sounds pretty melodramatic, but there has obviously been a lull in my sex life that Ginger Gym is now replacing. And regardless if you want to admit it or not, most people do this subconsciously every day of their lives.