Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Myths of Pregnancy


As mentioned, I know not many of my readers are in a position to care or consider what it is like to be pregnant. However, I am writing this because, at some point, you will care and consider the following. And maybe with a little advice and forwarning, you will not be as surpirsed as I was:

Myth: YOU ARE GLOWING!
Fact: As happy and glowing as I feel on the inside about my precious peanut, I am not glowing. I am actually paler than a ghost because I have not seen the sun or a tanning bed in months. Coincidently, I recently had a spray tan out of desperation and was told how beautiful I look while pregnant. No, actually it's this shade of orange that is accenting my stretching skin so swell.

Myth: Mood swings are controllable and pregnancy is the excuse women use for acting irrational.
Fact: Mood swings are an awful disease I wish I was not infected with. I was one of those women who criticized raging bitches for making up excuses. Now, I am just a hypocrit.

Myth: Everyone talks about and cares about your pregnancy.
Fact: No one cares you are pregnant. I realized this as I make it a point to tell everyone, even complete strangers that I am pregnant. I am pretty sure the cashier at Macy's just wanted me to sign my damn receipt instead of hearing about my growing belly.

Myth: No one cares that you are pregnant.
Fact: Everyone is talking about you being pregnant. In fact, you are the sun in the milky way of gossip. Just accept that you are going to be talked about behind your back (both positively and negatively) and enjoy your 9 months of fame.

Myth: Morning sickness occurs in the morning.
Fact: Morning sickness occurs morning, noon and night if you are unlucky.

Myth: You can maintain a normal life not revolving around baby while pregnant.
Fact: This might be just me, but the only things I care to discuss with friends and strangers is baby and boyfriend. Quite frankly, I am so excited that I don't care if others are annoyed. Don't talk to me if you don't want to hear about it.

Myth: Moms-to-be are eating for two.
Fact: You are not eating for two – now put down that tub of ice cream. You are only suppose to consume 300 more calories than a normal diet. You do not want to be asked, "when is your baby due," when the little pea is 10 months old.

Myth: Women lose their sex drive when pregnant.
Fact: This is so outrageously false that I don't have the time nor focus to discuss. Enjoy.